Chewing the fat: The importance of food in the strength of our relationships
I’m sure we can all agree, food brings us humans together. As we’ve evolved its been a constant source of connection, whether it be heading out and working together whilst hunting, preparing food as a group and as a result, coming as one to feed ourselves. This is no less true today, with the acquisition and scenery around food having evolved, just as we have, but the essence of communion around food stays the same.
I enjoy good food, I’m interested in global techniques, new flavour combinations and recipe development, but credit is due to the less tangible, abstract aspects of food in our lives. I want to delve into the social aspect of food, how and why it can inform and change our relationships when we embrace its strengths.
Around the table
With dual income households removing us from each others’ company for a majority of the day and more and more 21st century distractions ruling our lives, it’s increasingly difficult to find wholesome moments to pause and spend time together without a screen.
I’ve noticed that the (seemingly) healthy relationships in my friends’ families stem from the importance they place on sitting together around the evening meal, regarding it as a place to debrief on their days, garner advice from each others’ experiences and share nostalgia of times gone by. They may be domestic conversations, but the weight they hold in strengthening relationships is inimitable - I see their want to spend time together, how open they are with each other and their vulnerability. It must be said, this evening ritual wouldn’t be so consistent without the meal to congregate around - it provides a daily time and place to fortify family relationships, and I vow to implement this into my home with my family to come.
An event to look forward to
Congregating around food doesn’t only have its weight in being a daily ritual, it can also be amped up to becoming an event we base the day or evening around. Don’t get me started on the list of restaurants I have in places I’ve lived, am living or want to visit - it’s like an olympic sport for my foodie friends and I.
Even for people who aren’t so much foodies, the restaurant is a space dedicated to an event for connection or celebration. Promising your partner to a slap-up meal out at the end of the week, your boss treating yourself and your colleagues to dinner at the new steak place once your deal has gone through, or booking your favourite sushi place for your birthday.
A booking also serves as a dedicated time for more wholesome or humble gatherings. In Australia, the morning cafe scene is bustling with friends and families making the most of the morning sun, or the pub garden in England, to sit with pub grub and a pint on those rare summer days, or in Spain sitting out in the town’s plaza as the sun sets to enjoy a late night meal and some live music. I mention these countries in particular as I have moved to and traveled each of them, and can attest to how pure these experiences are. Sitting at a table with family and friends outside of the house is a booking in the calendar for human connection.
A subject to connect
Foodie or not, we can all relate to scenarios where food has been that springboard into chit chat. Take lunch with work colleagues you may not have much in common with, talking about what you’ve got to eat or where to head for lunch.
I can speak for this myself, working in an office where teams are spread onto different floors - not a conducive environment for team bonding. But roll around lunch time and we’re all intrigued as to what everyone has in their lunchbox, asking about last nights leftovers? Who does the cooking in respective households? Favourite Cuisines? Death row meals? What should we do for the next staff meal? Has anyone tried that new sando place on Elizabeth Street? Best ramen place in the city? The list goes on, but what ties all of these conversations together is a group of people who maybe don’t have a lot in common, but can all find what strings them together in food.
The same goes for a date. It’s a classic first date for a reason, going for dinner and a drink in case the spark isn’t quite there, conversation slows and it’s getting awkward. Whether it’s fine dining or fast food, so many of my friends say that going for dinner is their go-to because it’s a reliable conversation starter. Of course, there’s the chance it really is that bad and the food hasn’t even arrived before the vibe is off, but that’s not the food’s fault! Anyway, push through, because the food could be what brings a date back from the brink, and I love that about its universal appeal.
A meal to remember
At the end of all this, it comes down to food creating strong memories. Synapses connect and memories are made - all strengthened by further senses, such as taste and smell. Just like a scent can remind you of a certain time in your life, great occasions are commemorated strongly by the food at the table. It’s the backdrop of the stories we have with friends and family.
I can’t always remember every detail of a family dinner, a friend’s birthday or Christmas in years gone by, but something I hark back to is the food we congregated around. I engage that incredible connection we have between the senses and memory, and I find that remembering the best tiramisu of my life, or the first time I tried kangaroo, or that Molly Baz recipe my friend and I spent 5 hours labouring over always transports me back. It helps me to place myself there, reliving the scenery, the atmosphere and the conversation - never failing to make me smile.
Final thoughts
I thank food for what it’s done for relationships in my life, forging them from the beginning as it’s pathed the way for a common ground to work on, or strengthening established friendships to the lifelong ones I know they will be. An interest in cuisine not only keeps me interested in something other than screens and the lives of others, but also gives me a great wealth of knowledge and culture to share with others.
